Some of my friends are in the process of finding a church home and so we were talking about what we look for in church. Why is church important?
One aspect that comes up a lot in these conversations is community. We want to find our "urban tribe" in church -- that network of interconnected relationships of people who celebrate together, support each other, create a sort of extended family.
We certainly all need networks like that. And certainly it would be strange indeed to isolate that circle of your nearest and dearest from those you worship with.
Still, that isn't what I expect a church to be. I've lived in my current city for almost six years and attended my current church for all but a few months of that time. My "urban tribe," such as it is, is heavily composed of people from that church, and most of the others attend similar churches. I realized this relatively recently and I find it disturbing. My other close friends -- that circle that is so close geography doesn't matter -- is heavily non-Christian.
If we think of church as an "urban tribe", then it seems to me we have two options. One option is that it is somehow inappropriate to be this close to non-Christians. Of course we should interact with people who don't always see the world in the same way -- but your nearest and dearest circle should be all Christian. I don't care for that option at all. The other option is that my dear friends who are Jews or Unitarians or whatever else are in fact part of my church. If that's the case then I think the word "church" has lost its meaning.
Another friend of mine was part of a large church body for a while but found the relational overload to be overwhelming. After you've been at a place for a while, you've been in a few different small groups, served on projects with a bunch of other people, the numbers add up quickly -- he couldn't maintain all those relationships. After trying a house church for a while he's currently just focusing on spending time with Christian friends, and is quite satisfied with this. I have a very strong sense that he's missing the point. Going out to dinner with Christian friends, talking about spiritual matters is all fine and good and valuable, but that's not what church IS.
Okay, then what IS church? If church isn't basically and fundamentally about relationships, what is it about? One option that comes to mind immediately is "well, it's fundamentally about the sacraments." That's part of it too -- but that were the basic fundamental point then I'd be hanging out with the Episcopalians or Lutherans, or maybe still the Catholics, not the Congregationalists.
So what is it? What is going on here? I realize that I have no clue and I find this fascinating. Thoughts?
2 comments:
While preparing to be married in the Catholic church as a non-Catholic, I had the opportunity to have a few very good and lengthy talks with Father Joseph Rudjac at SS Peter and Paul Church in Youngstown, OH.
While my family background on my mom's side is Catholic, I was not raised in any church but enjoyed sporadic attendance in my early teens when my parents got divorced. At that time my mom felt that it helped her with the grieving process when her marriage ended. For me, I liked the singing! (Still do.)
Anyway, I'm not much of a joiner by personality, although I have great enthusiasm and interest in having a relationship with the Divine. So I have not ever joined a church. But the topic you bring up -- what is church -- makes me think of the related question that I asked Father Joe: What is church for?
There are many, many possible answers. But I really liked what he told me: it resonated for me. He said that attending church is a planned opportunity to give thanks to God, who does so much for us every single day. It's a tangible expression of joy and hope that we might not otherwise think to give back to God if we were at home, distracted by the various small details of life.
I really loved this answer and I think of it whenever I do attend church. I'm not so interested in the community aspects, but I do welcome the opportunity to express joy and thanks. (Plus, singing!)
I am Lutheran, so you know, put this into that context. Church, to me, is mainly about the word and sacraments. However, that doesn't negate the social aspects. We are baptized into Christ, but also into the family of all believers. In communion there is both the vertical aspect (God gives us forgiveness and strength) but also the horizontal (we share a common faith, and a common meal with our fellow members). So yes, church is fundamentally about relationships - both with God and with humans.
As for having friends, even close friends, who are not Christian - I take that as part of the whole "in the world but not of it" thing. They aren't part of the church simply because I socialize with them. And there is no benefit in or requirement of socializing only with people who are part of the church. On the contrary, if Christians stuck to their own kind (and now I'm humming) how would they ever witness?
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